Swami Aaron’s Musings on Relationship Relationship
Whenever your relationship is not working, whenever it brings out madness in you or in your partner, be glad. What was unconscious is being brought up to the present moment of consciousness. It is an opportunity for salvation.
If you observe unconscious behavior in your partner, hold it in loving embrace of your knowing so that you won’t react. Unconsciousness and knowing can not exist together for long. If you react to your partner unconsciously, you yourself will become unconscious.
You can not transform yourself or your partner; but, you can certainly create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to happen.
The moment you get indulged in argument, your ego is in charge and you become unconscious. When your partner behaves unconsciously, relinquish all judgments. Judgment is the projection of your unconsciousness onto another person. To relinquish judgment does not mean that you do not dysfunction and unconsciousness. When you see it, it means being knowing than being the reaction. If you practice this constantly, your partner can not remain unconscious for very long.
Learn to give expression to what you feel without blaming.
Sutra 6: When your beloved is relaxing keeping her head on your shoulder or chest, keeping her eyes closed, the question is whether she is in her own inner world or in your inner world. If she is in her own inner world, then, you are just a tool of emotional comfort for her, you are an object of love for her, but, you are not her love. Being an object of love and being love are two different things.
Pleasure and Joy are two different things. Pleasure is always derived from something outside; while, joy comes from within. The object from which you draw pleasure, can, one day, give you pain too. All married people are aware of this reality.
Main reason of your suffering is your assumptions and conditioning of mind.
Your phantom or fantasy of having ideal partner robs you of the opportunity of enjoying your present reality. Your present reality too can be the doorway to the glimpse of infinite. When acknowledge and accept all facts of your present situation, you get liberated from your situation. This acknowledgement and acceptance brings a degree of freedom. The energy condensed in the problem now starts free flowing giving you true joy and freedom. Make your present relationship as your saadhna (mortification) to liberate yourself. Pursue your goal of salvation by accepting your present reality of your present partner.
When you look at an object or a person, most probably your attention is confined to its outer form only. Moreover, your core is not involved in this interaction. Only your outer physical form and thoughts at your periphery is interacting with the memory of the person in front of you in your mind. Only thoughts and verbosity is interacting with the memory associated with that person.
Now, look again on the object or the person with totality. Look at your core as well as the core of the person with totality and intensity feeling that object or the person as part of your being. Now, the core in you interacts with the core in person in front and this interaction merges both into one. Just look around yourself and get connected with your surrounding deeply feeling them within your being. This will make you shift to higher awareness fiving you more freedom and joy.
(Very important sutra for workshop. Develop a meditation technique on this.)
There are two possibilities of relationship. First you are incomplete, you are at the periphery of your being in form identity, that’s why, you seek others to mask your void or incompleteness and you get into social relationship of marriage.
Second dimension is that you are fulfilled in yourself, in being form, at your core. And in this state you realize exuberance, rapture, overflowing, compassion and love; so, you seek someone to share your exuberance with him or her. This relationship is based on pure love. This is the relationship of Being, not of mind. This is the relationship of sharing than seeking. This relationship is permanent.
Copyright 2016@ Aaron Thomas (Swami Aaron)
(Dr. Aaron Thomas)
Psychotherapist | Author | Spiritual Master
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